It has been a while since I wrote anything on this site that is not show related… The reason for that, is because I have been busy chasing my tail with work, looking for work and straight up trying to pay my bills. All because I spent many years trying to live up to other people’s ideals of success and good image. Within that time I lost more than I gained, both in social and income levels. I also have become very hard and jaded… Even a bit angry, mostly at myself. Though for the longest time I never noticed it.

Today it came up, rise to the top like creme, in me. All while sitting down and eating some Mongolian beef. Admittedly I have been down in the dumps for a couple of weeks and I honestly have no reason to be. It’s like something has been trying to push me down and not let me move forward and succeed.  I have an awesome job, a successful radio show and good people who care and love me at my side. Often times though I would finish my work day and just go home do my chores and then go to sleep. All in silence saying nothing to anyone. At first I would think it was because I am tired. After a while I thought it was because I was lonely. Today it became obvious, the why and what is going on, appeared in front of me like a big rock wall I could not ignore.

Alone today for lunch and enjoying my beef and listening to some horrible 90s and 00s soft pop over the PA a young mother and her handicapped child walked in and got in line to order. At first nothing struck me I looked nodded and checked to see if she needed any assistance, since I was by the door and alone with nothing taking up my time. Still nothing was needed of me so I went back to chowing down. After a minute I heard these loud shrieks of joy. I turned to look and the mothers child was in awe and happy as punch watching the smiling Mexican man entertain her while cooking at the wok. The child entranced and the mother embarrassed trying to calm her down. The lady behind her and myself loudly said “Don’t worry” while smiling and then looking at one another. I the. Told the Mexican cook in Spanish ” If you burn it don’t worry I’ll buy it. Her happiness is worth it.” He waved me off saying “Don’t worry it’s for me anyway” The smile on that little girl was speaking volumes to me. She was having an adventure… Then it hit me… What was wrong was now clear to me.

I have become bored. I lost the spark. I have become so accustomed to the day to day and rat race. The getting things and making debt. I forgot what it was like when I started this journey and how the adventures where a reward of their own. I forgot why I began the journey and what used to make life so good. I had become what I used to hate the most, materialistic… It happened so quietly and under the radar. I get on the show and preach about rock and how the music and love of the art is so important. How the happiness of the music and the emotions are reward enough. I talk spirituality and the importance of balance. Yet I am quietly stressing about paying off floors I installed in my home and the big ass TV I never really watch because I am busy working to pay it off. I forgot about the adventures and small pleasures in life. Hiking and seeing nature first hand. Enjoying watching small critters play. Being in awe of watching some guy set food on fire as he cooks, because I can’t do it or never seen it. Meeting new people and sharing smiles. Hell the simple pleasure of cold water on a hot day… I forgot about those and many more things.

I got done with my food and went to the lil child and her mothers table. She was having a ball with her noodles. I gave the little one my fortune cookie and she gave me a hug. A stranger, a hug…

For a moment today or when you can my friends, let the grown up BS go for a while. I know we all can’t because of children and families but we do have time. Look for the simple adventure, share it with your kids if you can. Forget the politics, Trump, Your job and the hate in the world for a small moment. Be that kid and reboot. I know I will, again…